Howard P. “Buck” McKeon
Santa Clarita California 91381
18-Year Incumbent, U.S. House of Representatives
GOAL: To cause continued harm to our country by getting reelected for a tenth term and reverting back to the failed policies that got us into this mess in the first place.
HIGHLIGHTS OF EXPERIENCE
• Youth missionary for the Mormon Church
• Draft Dodger
• Failed business owner and bank executive
• School Board Member (1979-1987)
• Mayor of City of Santa Clarita, CA (1987-1988)
• 18-Year Incumbent, U.S. House of Representatives (1993-present)
• Most Unqualified Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee (HASC) in History
• Member of the House Committee on Education and Labor (ironic, huh?)
ACCOMPLISHMENTS
Prior to my congressional service
1955-1973 (ages 17-36) — I successfully avoided military service in Vietnam (or anywhere else).
1979-1987 — As school board member, I influenced school curriculum toward embracing creationism over evolution, because we believe in God, not quack pseudoscience.
1992 — I inherited successful family business (Howard & Phil’s Western Wear).
1996 — I bankrupted family business, taking it from 56 stores worth $21 million to $0, but not before raking in millions of dollars for myself.
During my congressional service
• I participated in increasing the national debt from $4.1 trillion in Jan 1993 to over $13 trillion, and counting.
• I worked to privatize Sallie Mae, resulting in predatory loan practices to students and contributions of over $200,000 into my own PAC funds.
• In 2003, I received a rating of 25% by the National Education Association for my vigorous anti-public education record.
• In 2010, I received a “C” rating from Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, for my failure to support major issues of importance to those who have served our country.
• In 2010, I received almost $400,000 from the defense industry as compensation for my unwavering support of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars..
• Recipient of the Chamber of Commerce “Spirit of Enterprise Award” in recognition of my outstanding anti-labor voting record.
• In 2009, I provided over $70 million in pork barrel earmarks, mostly to my corporate donors.
• I am currently the Chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, despite never having served in the armed services and having no military experience to draw from (except what I might have picked up as an Animal Husbandry major at BYU).
• Although promising my constituents in 1994 that I would serve no more than “8-10 years” in Congress, I am now seeking to retain my seat for a 21st and 22nd year.
Anticipated congressional service, if re-elected, for my 21st and 22nd years in Congress
• Will move defense jobs to the Muslim Nation of Turkey to help build the F136 engine, a project which the Pentagon rejects as unnecessary and wasteful.
• Will work tirelessly to increase the national debt well beyond $13 trillion by fighting to lower tax revenue, primarily from the wealthiest Americans.
• Will continue to vote “no” on all social spending, particularly for unemployed Americans too selective or lazy to find work.
• Will work lock-step with the RNC to repeal or undermine both Wall Street financial and health care insurance reforms.
EDUCATION
B.S. Degree in Animal Husbandry (1985, age 47)
Brigham Young University
POST-GRADUATE EDUCATION
None.
MILITARY SERVICE
None.
BUSINESSES INHERITED
One.
BUSINESSES STARTED FROM THE GROUND UP
Zero.
FAMILY VALUES
I transferred $5000 from my PAC fund to help pass CA Prop 8 in 2008 against gay marriage.
I hired my wife to serve on my campaign at a “salary” of $120,000 per year, and to date have paid her over $1 million from donor contributions (which get deposited into our joint bank account). In exchange, I allow my coporate donors to decide how I should vote on issues relating to their industries.
My wife and I have produced six children and 34 grandchildren and are unconcerned about their carbon footprint.
We live in a meager million-dollar house with a pool in a predominantly white, gated community, located within a common country club.
I am pro-life, but against the Sixth Commandment, as evidenced by my enthusiastic support of both capital punishment and war.
As the Chairman of the HASC I work diligently to reinstate “don’t ask, don’t tell,” to put gays back in the foxholes and prevent them from getting married on base.
I have successfully transitioned from being a Mormon missionary in my youth to an egregious war monger in my senior years.
HOBBIES
I enjoy golfing and have spent a lot of PAC fund donations to do it in some high-class resorts.
DISLIKES
The First Amendment, term limits, illegal immigrants, Gays, Blacks, Women, Jews, Hispanics, Students, the elderly, the poor, labor unions, minimum wage, affordable health care, health insurance reform, Wall Street reform, any kind of reform, Barack Obama, Al Gore, MSNBC, NAACP, ACLU, Greenpeace, etc.
PERSONAL REFERENCES
George W. Bush, Sharron Angle, Dick Cheney, David Duke, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Bob Kellar
What Liberal PAC money payed to distort all this stuff? Creative writing and a complete lie to the highest degree. You libs are more wacko then previously thought.
Say what you will about our honorable representative, but at least he’s pro-active in preparing his Resume before joining the millions of unemployed Americans his policies helped to create.
– Funny stuff here but it is really too bad so many Americans are hurting and dispirit because of the things Republicans like Buck have done and continue to do so long as they are in power. More seriously, how does a guy go from being a missionary in his youth to become the ranking member of the U.S. House Armed Services Committee? That’s just wicked.